Memoir 7

Ukata Konasana,

Goddess Pose, I arrive--

feet rooted, heart open,

Knowing my inner strength

like a mountain at sunrise

The Earth remembers my name.

I step into warrior,

fierce and unshaken

to all I have overcome- the vices I left behind

Mindful in the moment,

I flow gently onward,

finding myself in Triangle

reaching---

In Child’s Pose, I fold inward

breathing life into what once ached--

offering compassion

to the child still learning to feel safe.

I am grateful-

for how far I’ve come

and the grace to soften.

This canyon trip is like any other-

It finds You and I and a packed picnic

Surrounded by green budding all around.

I snap a few still moments, including one of you with a white tree in the background.

Because it crossed my mind that I want to remember everything-

what I felt, what we had been talking about, even what we’re eating

crisp goldfish crackers, cherry coke, and Millie’s

and that’s what makes it different-

We’re living in the moment and I love you more deeply this years

I look forward to years past with all of our strands of hair turned silver

We’ll look back on these days, embrace and talk about what we remember.

Son, sometimes I wish I could get a grip on time and take us back to a sunny day in the sand pile while your wispy blonde hair blew in the wind and you plowed your trucks through the dirt and called yourself Bob. We’d fill it with water and just sit in the mud together and casually talk to each other. So I guess I’m asking if you will lift your head up from the video games and remember to call me more often. Mu favorite past time was getting home from a day of therapy and having a conversation with you. You’d get really excited and describe all the details of something you learned. I think we need to communicate in person more often. Time makes us cherish these memories and find wonderful new ones. I love you and can’t wait until Easter.

I read short stories in a book about zen

then I sifted the litter box until it laid flat.

This is my job in the morning and I appreciate it because the cat has grown to love me too and I see how she loves Jay and I want Jay and the cat to know I appreciate and love them,

It’s my moment of zen after coffee in the morning. Jay is laying on the couch and I covered one foot.

I enjoy listening to his sighs, he works so hard for both of us. I can hear the exhaustion and the relaxation afterward.

Then I watch him kick the blankets off of his ankle and sigh “hmm!”

It’s the second day of April and as if to say it’s April Fools! Yesterday, the white clouds had grey etched into them and came rumbling in with burst of electricity like April showers bring May flowers and today that drizzle turned into giant white flakes. We are surrounded by a chill. You and I press our hands together and the warmth grows. While outside, down comes the flurry of snow.

I hear tiny ice crystals bouncing off of the rooftop

melting and pouring down the window like a white rapid river.

Jay is snoozing, exhauted from work. I’ve been reading a series about zen stories with a cat and some Buddhist monks and I already finished half of Rupi Kaur love poems. I’m drinking up her words like the earth is soaking melting snow down into it’s roots.